Category Archives: Frequently Asked Questions

Say Something Funny’s FAQ

Not sure if anyone has ever included a dedication in the Frequently Asked Questions’ section, but here goes:

             To Therapist Bob

F.A.Q. (that’s Frequently Asked Questions for those of you suffering from A.C.D. (Acronym Challenged Disorder))

1. Why did you shift from political satire, Political Fallout, to straight humor on Say Something Funny?

Funny you should ask (not really, but I do have a fetish for clichéd transitions). When a friend first asked me this question, I responded: “Why play God’s apprentice, when you can play God?” Not that I think I’m God or one of his messengers for that matter, but I started feeling like political satirists have become the ambulance-chasers of the humor world. As a political satirist, my job consisted of waiting for politicians to screw up and/or Say Something Stupid, which happens approximately every 3.5 seconds – or half the time the average male entertains a sexual thought. (Speaking of which…)

Besides, who would want to be god’s apprentice or messenger anyhow? If you think God is going to step aside and let you step in, you are more delusional and narcissistic than the Big Guy himself. (pause for Smote Break…) Not to mention the average life expectancy for God’s apprentices and messengers is somewhere between a politician screwing up and my last sexual thought.

Moreover, while writing straight journalism and political satire, both of which require research and facts, I developed an allergic reaction to the truth.

2. Are you afraid of losing some of your fan base at your other site, Political Fallout?

No. Both my mother and her friend, Irene, assured me that they will support me in my new writing endeavor. Granted, neither one of them owns a computer and Irene, who was my 90-year old elementary school principal 30 years ago, still thinks a blog is a type of goiter.

This is what Irene imagines every time she hears the word "blog."

This is what Irene imagines every time she hears the word "blog."

3. Why did you choose Say Something Funny as your site’s name?

Read debut post. Although I did consider using Liquid Nose Blow and Irene’s suggestion, Prune Juiced Rib Ticklers, but I chose to stick with S.S.F. (the official acronym of Say Something Funny).

Are you sure the name Say Something Funny was not inspired by Patty Duke’s 1965 hit song “Say Something Funny”?

Indirectly, yes. I chose SSF in orderf to take back Say Something Funny from Patty Duke. There’s nothing funny about a break-up song, wherein the leading man finds a new gal and has no choice but to dump his old steady in front of a bunch of onlookers.

Patty Duke – “Say Something Funny” (Or not…)

When it comes to break-up songs playing in the backdrop of a dumping scene, I would take AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” and the Bee Gee’s “Tragedy” any day — which were the first two cassette tapes I bought when cassettes first came out in the ‘70s. Whether it was eclectic taste or prophetic foreboding, I haven’t yet decided, although I’m leaning toward “all of the above.”

4. What do the initials T.M. in your name stand for?

Transcendental Masochist

5. How much do you get paid for writing Say Something Funny?

On a bad week: nothing. On a good week: nearly twice as much as a bad week. But if you’re feeling guilty for exploiting a penniless blogger, feel FREE to click below and buy me a gift on my Amazon wish list:

T.M. Lindsey’s Wish List

6. Why would you keep writing if you don’t make any money?

See #4

7. Boxers or briefs?

Neither:  Who has the time for either one these days?

8.  Do you have an agent?

Not yet. I’m still waiting for the Federal Government to officially release Agent Orange from its top-secret files. In the meantime, if you are an agent and have street cred in the humor writing market or you are an up-and-coming agent looking to hitch your prospects to yours truly, please contact me at

Frequently Asked Question: WTF is FAQ?

When I first saw the acronym F.A.Q. (Frequently Asked Questions), I had no idea what these letters stood for, let alone that they were even an acronym. It doesn’t help that I have been diagnosed with A.C.D. (that’s Acronym Challenged Disorder to you, fellow A.C.D. brothers and sisters).

With the help of Therapist Bob, I was able to pinpoint when my A.C.D. began spiraling out of control and would inevitably need professional intervention, preferable by someone who has multiple acronyms listed behind their name.

In college I was obsessed with vanity license plates. Initially I was intrigued by vanity plates that had the driver’s first name followed by a number (e.g. “Mitsy 7”). I deduced that either Mitsy had six other cars like the one she was driving, thus exacerbating her vanity even more so, or the “7” represented the I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient) threshold required by the D.O.T. (Department of Time-Suck) to qualify for vanity plates. Then the R.C.I. (Roof Caved In) when one of my roommates pulled up in his mom’s grocery-getter, which sported “IYQYQR” on the license plate.

When I asked him what the letters stood for, he admitted: “I Like You Like You Are.” (Not really an acronym per se — unless you’re willing to suspend your disbelief for baby-talk.) Why any respectable adult male would openly admit this to another respectable adult male (that’s me, F.Y.I.) was beyond me, but the fact that he was driving a turquoise Chevy Imapla with a “Have You Hugged Your Librarian Today?” sticker on its bumper indicated he was beyond the peer-recognition phase of his life — namely because he was already doomed in most social circles.

Enter Therapist Bob, who provided me with some A.R.S. (Acronym Reading Strategies) to help break the dispossessed letters down to find meaning and/or pinpointing alienated letters ostracized by the rest of the alphabet for reasons unbeknownst to me. One strategy he recommended was to sound out and exaggerate the letters individually, before moving on to combinations. I started with F.A.Q. and tried several combinations before settling on FA – Q, pronounced “FAA – Que” (slang for F*CK YOU). This revelation, which I repeated over and over like a small child who just learned to pronounce his own name, inspired Therapist Bob to blow microbrew through his nose and laugh at me.

Or at least I thought he was laughing at me. Either way I stormed out of his makeshift office — the window seat at the Deadwood Tavern in downtown Iowa City – thus ending our session for the day.

Nonetheless, the new A.R.S.s (pronounced “Arses” (which is British for Asses), when implementing A.R.S.s) gave me a new sense of empowerment. Upon leaving the Deadwood, I walked through the downtown area repeating “FA – Q, Arses” aloud, maybe too loud as passersby paused to ascertain whether I was talking to them directly or if I had Tourette’s Syndrome.

My Tourette’s-induced monologue did not bode well with one, apparently intoxicated, older gentleman, who turned and yelled at me: “Well, FA – Que too, buddy!” Unfortunately his F.A.Q. drew the attention of two nearby beat cops, who thought he was talking to them and wrote him up a ticket for P.I. (Public Intoxication).

And now that I know W.T.F. F.A.Q. means, I can finally field some of the questions people have been asking me about Say Something Funny since its debut less than two weeks ago.

So stay tuned, dear Reader, and I will churn out some responses to the pile of F.A.Q.s clogging my e-mail account A.S.A.P. If you have any questions you would like to ask me, please send them to me @ or post them in the comments section below.

I appreciate your patience and for those of you who don’t have any patience, I have three letters for you: “FA – Q!”