Top 10 Excuses VP Pence Considered for Not Wearing Mask to Mayo Clinic Before Opting to Play Dumb(er)

Like his Boss and Deadpool, VP Mikey Pence thinks he’s God’s gift to the world invincible. Unlike Deadpool, however, neither one of these mortals has enough sense to hide their hideous faces from those they’re trying to protect.

“I had to tell staff security a lie ‘this big’ in order to see you without a mask,” Mike Pence tells his captive audience of one. 

While recently visiting the Mayo Clinic, Pence — the Head of the Coronavirus Task Force — opted to buck the clinic policy and go full-monty and not wear a mask. This would be akin to the famed sex therapist, Dr. Ruth, telling her young lover, “You don’t need to wear a condom. I’m clean.”

Invariably, a tweet from rogue a reporter went viral on social media and unmasked Pence’s hypocrisy for the quarantined world to see. Before stepping into his Boss’s playing-dumb footsteps, Pence played the executive white-privilege card and confessed that he’s tested daily for Covid-19.

What the Fake News failed to report are some of the excuses that Pence and his staffers spit-balled before committing to the top-down, Play Dumb Strategy: “I wasn’t aware that was the Mayo Clinic policy”:

Top 10 Excuses Pence & the Gang Considered for Not Wearing Mask to Mayo Clinic Before Opting to Play Dumb(er)

1. I left my mask in the glove compartment aboard Air Force 2
2. I was under the impression that we would be touring a Mayonnaise factory
3. I’m still getting used to having to DO stuff
4. I could not find any scripture that supports wearing a mask during a global pandemic
5. Alex Jones Obama told me NOT to wear one
6. Wanted to cheer patients up by showing them my smile
   

   The staff at SSF scoured the internet for a picture of Pence smiling and this is the closest we could find. 

7. It was a security precaution. What most people don’t realize is that the majority of masks are Made in U.S.A. China
8. You can’t believe everything you see or hear on Trump’s Daily Covid-19 Briefing Fake News
9. I left it on my printer at home. I swear to God that I’ll wear it the next time I tour the Mayo factory
10. I loaned my mask to a nonessential worker who gave it away to his wife, Melania

Bonus excuse dialed in by Mikey’s wife, Karen, before she adopted the play-dumb stance:

• Had I known it was Mayo Clinic policy, I would have packed a mask in Mikey’s suitcase between his CliffsNotes Holy Bible and rainbow boxer shorts