Stay Tuned: Congress Delays Pulling Plug on Bunny Ears

Bunny Ears (top) poses with high school sweatheart, Magnavox (bottom)

SSF News — On Monday, Congress granted the beloved Bunny Ears (or “Rabbit Ears” in more subversive burrows) a stay of execution, postponing the inevitable until June 12 — when Bunny Ears is scheduled to be unplugged and taken off life-support.

The decision to take Bunny Ears off support has stirred an emotional debate at the national level, one side arguing Bunny Ears is still a living, viable member of our technological community — while others argue that Bunny Ears, since the satellite takeover of television airwaves, has lost the will to live and keeping Bunny Ears alive is not only cruel but inhumane. Caught up in the tsunami of emotions, Congress leapt into the moral fray and chose sides along partisan lines, stoking the fires with superfluous bags of empty rhetoric.

Meanwhile Bunny Ears, who has been bed-ridden in a Florida hospital for the past seven years, heard news of the delayed execution from the digital TV propped up in the corner of the room. Surrounded by family and friends, some holding onto Bunny Ear’s ears for better reception, Bunny Ears released the following statement upon hearing the news:

Bunny Ear’s Statement: Although I’m flattered some members of Congress and their constituents who have come to depend on my existence still need me – albeit only a few more months – I’ve already prepared myself for the chosen day. And an extension of my inevitable slide into extinction merely robs me of what dignity I still have preserved between my extended ears.

Psychologically and emotionally, I cannot prolong my fate another day, and I hope Congress can find a place in their hearts, the same place I filled with fond memories of “I Love Lucy” and “Happy Days,” and have the decency to pull my plug. All I can ask is that, at the very least, you will be receptive of my wishes.

Receptively Yours,
Bunny Ears

Due to digital interference, a spokesman for Bunny Ears could not be reached by SSF News for further comment.

Obituary: Bunny Ears; 1886 – 2009 (pending)