I’m So Broke That…

broke

When I call my voice mail, I have to call collect.

The IRS recently sent me a letter regarding this year’s tax filing that said: “Don’t bother.”

I now have vultures following me on Twitter.

When a panhandler asked if I could spare some change, I asked him if he had an easy-payment plan.

I don’t have enough cents to finish this sentence…

The lower-class revoked my membership for not keeping up with my dues.

Both the Democratic and Republican Parties removed me from their donor mailing lists.

To improve his station in life, my cat ran away to the Humane Society.

I asked Congress for a bailout so I can help pay for my bankruptcy filing.

I’ve resurrected my Ramen noodles’ recipe book from my early college daze.

That I e-mailed the Obama Administration asking them if they could spare some change I can believe in.

WordPress has threatened to foreclose my free blog.

Now’s your chance, Dear Reader, to say something funny by adding your two cents (no I Owe Yous, please; I’m broke enough as it is) in the COMMENTS section below.

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129 responses to “I’m So Broke That…

  1. I’m so broke, I’m considering breastfeeding the whole family.

  2. I’m so broke, I had to sleep with my daughter – rather than try and impress a new girl by wining and dining…

  3. I never answer calls from strange numbers.

  4. I have to work grave yard shifts for 2 straight years to pay the bills…you can say proper-night sleep is on a lay-away plan.

    ps. i tried…

  5. I’m really broke …I’m not poor, I’m poo…can’t even afford the “r” any more…

  6. I’m so broke, I can’t even PAY attention.

  7. I’m so broke I can’t CHANGE my mind.

  8. im so broke, my friends spoted me walking down the street with one shoe. They said
    ‘You lost a shoe’.
    I said – no i found one.

    Ok you can laugh now :)

  9. im so broke,my stomach dial 911

  10. im so broke i charge my cell phone at church.

  11. I’m so broke I have to time my morning crap with my shower because I can’t afford tp

  12. that a panhandler offered to buy me a cup of coffee.

  13. I’m so broke my wallet charges me overdraft fees

  14. I’m so broke l had to put bubble gum on layaway.

  15. Im so broke I did a google search for “im so broke” and ended up here.

    • seriously!!!!! same here! im so broke, i cant afford to pay for a $30 fake weave!

    • Lmao! Thats how i ended up here 4real.

    • same here… broke in the new year… ended up here!

    • Ha….thats me too.. like a web page is goinv to deposit cash in my bank account..i ben thinking that my bad luck is due to something bad i did in a previous life,i probably killed a Pope and ‘ll be paying back for an eternity…well,no big deal,my life is almost over,then i can start to suffer again!

  16. I’m so broke i’ve considered taking a job as a security guard.

  17. I shit u not! I bin tryin for fanancial help lately…
    I lost my business, got no state benefit cuz my accounts r 3 yrs outta date, home mortgage of 1000 a month, repaments on a good time property investment of 1200 a month which is empty…4 kids…1 wife…( I LUV DEM ALL)…1 dog whom I dont love! and absolutly zero money comin in!!! Why do I bother???

  18. Pingback: I’m So Broke That… « Say Something Funny

  19. I’m so broke that instead of buying coach, I can only afford Vera Bradley now.

  20. I’m so broke, I just searched the internet for eggshell recipes.

  21. i’m so broke that i googled “i’m broke” and found out that i’m not alone.. now, that’s even.. :D

  22. I’m so broke the phisher’s are sending me money.

  23. I’m so broke all I have is my sense of humor.

  24. I’m so broke kids from Africa are sending me fifty cents a day.

  25. I’m so broke, my girlfriend left me to enter Mexico illegally.

  26. Im so broke I cant afford used food

  27. BROKEback Mountain

    I’m so broke, I watch my neighbors for entertainment.

  28. I’m so broke that my little boy thought the doorknob was a biscuit .

  29. im so broke it sucks, im in school for medical assisting.. but i have no icome so my mother helps me out with cell phone bills money for school.. and whatever else i need but idk its not enuff. i need my own damn $$ in my pocket . people look at me and think im so damn spoiled but i dont see it . i just feel so stupid and embarassed all thee time. im almost finished with school so thats good but when she tells me no to $$ i get so fuckin mad. … im so damn broke.. i gotta stay inside on the weekends =(

  30. im so broke that when i went to a store i shoplifed so i would have ANY food!

  31. im so broke that when i get arrested i eat my poop for survival food it taste awful but thats my only choice i thinkin eat poop or DIE

  32. Im so broke, I have to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

  33. im so broke, i use my credit cards to pay off my other credit cards

  34. I’m so broke I can’t smile

  35. I’m so broke I’ve been eating with my parents for 20 days… I m 52.

  36. I’m so broke that I can’t even afford to pay attention

  37. I’m so broke I just shaved my goldfish.

  38. Im so broke gotta rent my gf

  39. i’m so broke that the last time i was warm was when my house burnt down….

  40. I’m so broke i eat my cereal with a fork to save milk

  41. im so broke im gonna go to Hilton’s resort instead of Sofitel for my next trip to Tahiti….. Can someone lend me a few thousands box ? I just can’t get by.

  42. im so broke im friend with zam

  43. im so broke i eat my hand nails on mondays, my feet nails on tuesdays, my nose poo on wednesdays, my dead skin on thursdays, my lices on fridays, my crab on saturdays and my poo poo on sundays (more food for this special day)

  44. im so broke i got to be friend with GUY

  45. im so broke dudes….. i won t be able to pay my wife’s toes this month……

  46. S.D.B (so damn broke)

    I’m so broke i have to steal my neighbors internet to post this. :)

  47. Ima so ‘broke’ that i’m thinking of taking HipHop as a Career Option :|

  48. Im so broke I had to beg for money at the gas station at 6am to make it to work….that isnt a damn joke, but at least I made it!

  49. I’m so broke contemplating buying gas or food lmao

  50. I’m so broke I gotta jack off the dog to feed the cat

  51. Im so broke that i had to work 18-20 hours per day,every summer, for 30 $ per day serving food.Imagine that hmm.

    Now i am so damn broke that i cant afford to wait for the summer to come.

  52. am so broke i cant even pay for my diginity,i need help.

  53. am so broke i cant even my self a cup of respect and diginity.please help me

  54. i really need help.

  55. I’m so broke I couldn’t afford a down payment on a free lunch

  56. Billie Niven

    I’m so broke if it cost a nickel to shit, I’d have to throw up.

  57. I so damn broke after loosing 100k business + i owe $ to my friends, relatives and worst of all IRS. its been over 7 months still looking for job with out luck !!! whats wrong with our country???????????????????????

  58. I’m so Broke I had to Sell my baby on Craigslist.

  59. I’m so Broke I had to Kick out my pregnant unemployed sister to live in her car and she thanked me!

  60. I’m So Broke I found myself asking a panhandler for financial advise.

  61. I’m so Broke that I had a break in and the burglar didn’t take anything… he just left a check and a note saying how sorry he was for me.

  62. I’m so broke I have to wash off my floss to re-use it.

  63. I am so broke that I had to let my stalker pay my phone bill.

  64. I’m so broke I can’t even afford common sence.!

  65. Im so broke i GOT to tie a bag around my head just to save air.

    Im so broke I have to wipe other peoples butts just to have somthing to eat.

  66. im so broke i googled “im so broke” and it brought me to all your broke mofoss lmao

  67. im so broke i drink recycled beer

  68. Im so broke I took out a second mortgage on my cardboard box

  69. I’m so broke the rats in my apartment filed a complaint with animal welfare

  70. I’m so broke the rats from next door leave food on my doorstep…. the rats in my house?… hey a guy’s gotta eat something!

  71. I’m so broke I googled ‘ I’m so broke’ and I found all you broke a**es, can I have a buck pls…. damn, look who I’m asking. I’m gonna go please my 80yr old neighbor, at least I EAT my way to her pocket….. five bucks a pop!

  72. Im so broke they held a fundraising concert in Africa for me

  73. i am so broke, i live on the lemon cleanse detox out of no choice….hot water with lemon for breakfast,lunch and dinner…….

  74. I’m so broke that my trick is the treat….

  75. I’m so broke Goodwill wants to take me to court.

  76. to the girl complaining about not going out on weekends cause her mom will only give her money for everything else, get a part time job cause you are spoilled. It’s not a bad thing, and sure it’d be nice if everyone had it life’s not that way, but accept what you are and don’t complain about free money but not having it to do recreation. I work full time and go to school full time to pay for the things you are given money for, and no, i don’t have money or time to go out 98 percent of the time, life is expensive… This is the reason we have kids such as myself marching on wall street for fairness. Ya, working a job for minimum wage sucks, but i’ve done it for months on end when i’ve been downsized elsewhere. Wish i had time to sleep in the middle of the city close to afternoon or just sit around on the weekend. My generation sickens me we need to grow up and stop acting like children it’s pathetic, you have the same opportunity as everyone else. Ya’d think the generation with the most access to information through technology would be the smartest, but instead we use it to complain about our new bf/gf we get every month. Jesus help us cause we’re gonna end up governed by a tyrant and we’re too dumb to see it coming.

  77. I’m so broke I made a cockroach trap to get something to eat

  78. I’m so broke next doors cat leaves a tray of food outside my apartment every night

  79. mann im so broke..i keep checkin my online banking hoping for a deposit by mistake..

  80. I’m so broke, that for transport, I had to rent a shopping cart from walmart.

  81. I’m so broke I have to use leaves to wipe my ass with.

  82. I’m so broke we take the trash IN.

  83. Pingback: I’m So Broke That… (cheaper, 2nd edition) | Say Something Funny

  84. People like me can’t afford to smile…..its too costly

  85. I’m so broke i got no friends or boyfriends to cling on 2

  86. Im so broke when I go out to eat I ask for the food others left on their plate.

  87. Im so broke a had to wreck my car for the insurance money to make the payment.

  88. I am so broke, I have to crap in my pants to put a “cent” in my pocket!

  89. im so broke! i had nothing but patient…as the sword of my entire life..hoping that by joining governance i would be able to make a personal loan to settle all my debts..but its all easy to said than done! bankers keep running after me..everyday …what else i could do EXCEPT ‘PRESS SILENT MODE’ and pay the bills with the amount that i could afford to pay..and leave the balance to support my entire live for the current month n keep counting the days to reach my 6 months..(already passed!) – bank still dont allow me to make a loan..and said that after 8 months i can try again..again and again.. all are giving me such a false hope!! im totally hopeless..tired.. frustrated!!

  90. somebody give me a fecking job

    im so broke i have no more organs to sell, im almost dead.

  91. I am so broke that I use soap as shampoo

    Broke, in college, and almost to that point xD
    Today I saved enough quarters to do my laundry! It’s a good day xP

  92. I AM SO BROKE THAT I FEEL READY TO DIE

  93. I am so broke I couldn’t afford a divorce attorney so hubby and his attorney left me with 180K of debt HIS DEBT !!!!
    So that puts me beyond broke (I know how to reuse duct tape! the trash is an obvious treasure!

  94. I am so broke that I am often found crying at the dollar store….

  95. I’m so poor, I got kicked out of Costco for sneeking in and “blitzkrieging” the “free samples” booths.

  96. I’m so poor, I sell counterfeit Elementary School Honor Roll bumper stickers to the parents of low-achieving students.

  97. I’m so poor, I sneek into convalescent homes and charge old people 20 bucks for mind-melds.

  98. I’m so broke that…. I can’t afford to live….

  99. I’m so broke, but guess what…it is freaking beautiful……I’ll value the next pound I get !!!!!!!!!

  100. i’m so broke that I can’t even afford tissue.
    I’m so broke I have to eat half a biscuite every meal.

  101. I’m so broke that I ask for discount at pound land.

  102. I’m so broke I burn my poop to warm my house

  103. I’m so broke I can’t buy tickets so I’m trying to win them.

  104. I’m so broke I raid panties just to feel like I’m eating at red lobster

  105. I’m so broke because all you broke mother fuckers are my friend.

  106. I’m so broke I go to pound land and ask for a discount.
    I’m so broke that when I have a tissue I do all my crying because I know I won’t be seeing another one in a while.
    I’m so broke I considerd selling my self on ebay.

  107. I’m so broke I’ve just been featured in a charity appeal commercial!

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